Back to School, Beach, and Other Things
So yesterday I went to the beach with Haylee, DJ, Dennis, Donny and Cody. It was really nice out and although there were a couple mishaps (jellyfish, seagulls, money), it was all-in-all a good time. I still managed to get a burn :/ but that just means I will be nice and tan for my first day of class.
Speaking of school, I go back on Monday. Although it feels like Summer has gone by way too fast, I am looking forward to getting back into a regular routine. Call me crazy, but I really like school. I like the classroom setting, I like homework, I like tests. School is just one area where I can really excel and it makes me feel accomplished. Don’t make fun of me, but new books and a fresh syllabus just get me really, really excited!
Also, I’ve decided that although my mom is moving out in the spring, I’m not going to have a room in her house. I’m going to be living here with my dad 100% of the time. I don’t want to desert him and I don’t want him to be mad at me either. It is my mom’s decision to leave, and she should know that a divorce is going to mess things up between us as well. Maybe I’m being too harsh here, but if she doesn’t like the arrangement, she could always try and put some effort toward making things work with my dad. For the last fifteen years, she’s done nothing but try and make him hate her. I feel no remorse.
But on a lighter note, small groups last night was wonderful! I love that the CC ladies are getting back into a small group environment. Thank you so much, Faith, for opening up your home to us, and to the younger girls, too. There was a challenge in our Beloved Disciple this week, asking us to open up all our times in prayer with, “Lord, I know that You hear me” and to finish each time with, “Thank You for hearing me.” The point is that Jesus had a confidence when He prayed that His Father could hear Him, and we should have that same confidence; that the way we talk with God is going to be transformed by this idea. We also talked about having quiet time with God when we’re in the car. So on the way home, I turned off my music and talked to God. It was awesome! It’s been so long since I’ve had a good cry-session with God, and Lord knows I’ve needed one so badly. I talked about the whole situation with my family, and the new church, and just the state of our relationship in general. (I have a long ride home, for those of you who don’t know!) And we finished up with just enough time for me to listen to one song before I got home. This is my experiment this week, and I will surely keep you posted on how it goes. I may give up listening to music in my car altogether, if it means that I am going to grow so much in my relationship with Him. I’m so excited!
It’s been a while.
So I’m slacking on Acts. I blame the Olympic gymnasts. I am up late every night watching those beasts. My mom told me that when I was younger and I did gymnastics that I was really good and they wanted me to compete, lol. I kind of wish I’d stuck with it now because they are incredible to watch and I wish I could do that kind of stuff.
Life’s not so great right now. My mom is definitely divorcing my dad by the spring. She’s talked about doing it forever, and now it’s actually happening. I know I shouldn’t be so selfish as to think about myself in this situation, but I feel completely shafted because I wanted to move out this summer, but my mom begged me to stay. But of course she’s moving out now, so I’m left in a crappy situation. I’m no longer a minor, so I get to chose where I live. So either I chose between my parents (which I won’t do), or I switch houses halfway through every week (which I really don’t want to do). I want my parents to be happy, but I really wish there was some other way around this. I really was trusting God to take care of this, and now it’s falling apart. For a while it seemed like if I was going to stay home, my mom wouldn’t actually do it. But my older brother came to visit last week and took my mom house-hunting. He’s going to pay for everything for her so that she can afford to move out. Of course he can go home to his nice condo on the beach in Tampa and forget about the situation, but what he doesn’t take into consideration is that he’s really screwing up everything here for me and my family; he doesn’t have to live with this change. Does it sound like I’m angry? Because I am.
I feel like I need a vacation so badly. I feel so trapped and suffocated waking up every day in this house and in this family that’s falling apart. I really just want to leave. I want out. I want a break. But of course my online class starts Monday and my regular classes start a week later. I feel like I’m missing out on so much. Sometimes I’ll be sitting here and I’ll just get all crazy, like I can’t sit still. I hate living here. I hate that I hate living here. I hate what Satan is doing to my family. Things are not supposed to be this way.
This sounds so not like me, I know, but I haven’t really cried in a while. And if I do I hold it back and keep it short. I’m just the type of person who needs to cry a lot, okay? I need to or I go crazy. The other day I wanted ice cream so badly. I had just bought some the day before. I look in the freezer and it’s gone. My brother just ate the whole thing. I called my mom asking her to pick up some after work and I just like freaked out and started crying on the phone. What’s wrong with me?
I just feel so angry lately. About everything. I can’t count on anything to turn out right. Little things irritate me the most and I have like no patience, because they’re what put me over the edge. It feels like I don’t even really have a place to call home anymore. I hate coming home whenever I’m out. I don’t feel like there’s anywhere I can go to get a break. I just want to scream because I feel so trapped.
Please don’t worry about me though. I’m still happy a lot of the time, like when I’m at church or out with friends or babysitting. I’m really excited about starting classes, especially my Old Testament Survey. I’m keeping up with my other Bible study and I feel close to God still. That’s what matters more, so I guess things are going alright.
Acts 13
Verse 44
The following week almost the entire city turned out to hear them preach the word of the Lord.
Reflection
Wow! That is beyond what any Dunkin Donuts or Subway is doing. I can’t picture even just my street all going to church on Sunday, much less my whole town. But it’s possible! It happened before and it can happen again. I am so optimistic about the future of Cinema Church now from reading this! I can only hope that traffic will be backed up for miles, that there won’t be enough parking to fit everyone who wants to come to church, much less enough seats in the theater.
Prayer
Lord, thank You that Your Word is so capable of attracting people. Thank You that when we lift up Your name, You will draw people to You. (Our part’s pretty easy really.) I can’t wait to see the things you’re going to do through CC! You have me so excited!
Next Step
Believe that this can really happen again.
Acts 12
Verse 6
The night before Herod was to bring him to trial, Peter was sleeping between two soldiers, bound with two chains, and sentries stood guard at the entrance.
Reflection
It was completely impossible for God to bust Peter out of prison that night, but I guess the impossible is God’s specialty. It is impossible for us to break out of our “prisons” without the help of God as well. This reminds me of Leeland’s Carried to the Table.
Lifted by the Savior
And Cradled in His arms
I was carried to the table
Seated where I don’t belong
If God doesn’t carry us out of our “pits”, our “prisons”, there’s no way it’s happening. Only with God’s help can we conquer the enemy’s hold on us.
Prayer
Lord, show me my prisons. Where is it that I’m falling short of Your plan for me? Where is it that the enemy has got a hold on me? Please carry me out of these prisons. I can’t do it without You.
Next Step
Keep an eye out for what God is going to show me I need help with.
Acts 11
Verse 23
When he arrived and saw what the grace of God had done, he was glad and encouraged them all to remain true to the Lord with all their hearts.
Reflection
This has been something that God has been putting on my heart for a little while now. I can remember that night at LP, probably during the Letdown series. There were Thank You cards scattered all over the front of the stage. Mike’s message was about thanking those in your life who were about to give up. That night, my letter was to my mom, but I had so many names on my heart I wished I’d written more. It’s not just in bad times that people need encouraging; Barnabas “was glad and encouraged them” when he saw what God had done in Antioch.
Prayer
Lord, please show me those in my life who are a little discouraged, who could use an encouraging word. Show me if there are any who are about to give up.
Next Step
Write some encouraging thank you letters.
